There is a serious lack of memory when it comes to parenting. This comes in many forms but today I'm thinking about one in particular.
My son just turned one two weeks ago and with that comes that remarkable transformation that happens at that age from baby to toddler. Suddenly they are saying words, walking, and most importantly beginning to understand what you are saying to them. And the result of all of that is that they begin that wonderful time when they can make decisions for themselves and begin to disagree with the decisions you have made for them. Uhg. That’s where we are now. The beginnings of a little boy that is seemingly far too opinionated and far too stubborn for a toddler.
This last month has been trying and seems to be getting worse. Exasperated, as N storms out of the room (yes, storms! usually accompanied by a stomping of the feet and a fake wail) over something I said or took away, I’ll say to my husband, “I don’t think A was like this.” -A is my daughter who is 2 years older than N - But it occurred to me just today that not only was she like this too but our expectations were even higher.
I remembered an occasion when we were in a bath store looking to pick out new fixtures for a potential remodel. Our daughter was 13 months old and we spent the entire time trying to hold a conversation with the very patient women in the store while chasing A around as she climbed everything, touched fixtures, and slammed cabinet doors. We left there just as exasperated as I feel on a daily basis these days. We felt like failures in accomplishing what seemed to be a simple task and we were unable to get our child to “listen” to us as we apparently thought she should.
I had not remembered this event at all until today.
Remembering a general idea of what she was like at N’s age is nearly impossible I’ve noticed. Other than the good things, of course. The elusive parenting memory…Its is, in fact, what I believe helps us families with more than one kid to actually decide to have more than one kid!
What I do remember from that night 2 years ago is that we left there with just a touch of doubt about the “behavior” of our daughter. Why didn’t she listen to us? Was something wrong with her? Was something wrong with us as parents? Will she always be like this?
I’m glad that blast from the past memory came up today because it seems so silly now. We seriously left there embarrassed and concerned and of course the answer is no-She will not always be like that. Flash forward to present day and even at 3 our little A is sweet and polite and quite an extraordinary “listener”. And the answer to our “why” questions was of course because she was one years old.
I’m looking forward to later on tonight reminding my husband about my memory. I wonder if he will remember that evening 2 years ago. And although N does have his individual “challenges” of course, I’ve found reminding each other of things we’ve been through before is what helps most in navigating the ups and downs of parenting.
Memory…And therefore, perspective. It’s why we talk with our partners, our friends, our family, and, well, strangers on the Internet about this stuff. It makes things easier to know who’s gone through it, how they felt, how they handled it, and what happened in the end. And, lets admit, its the best is when someone’s story is worse than yours!! Ha!
And that’s why I started this blog for parents. To jog memories and keep a little perspective… A sense of humor wouldn’t hurt either.
